What I didn't do when I had a battle

I am not very careful with myself. I should be, but I am not. I am very sensitive, more so than most, which means that when in situations which have a bad energy I can absorb some of the badness, and I will suffer. First my mind will become jangled, and then a day or so later, my body will get sick. Asking the Universe for healing will sort me out, but if I was to be more careful in the first place, then several days of my life would not be wasted by feeling unwell. 

We have a band. We play Irish folk songs mostly, and we are only two months old. There are six in the band. Four of us are musically inclined, which means that we can hold a tune, read music, and are accurate when playing and singing. I am not saying that any of us are 'gifted', but we are not novices. Neither will we ever be celebrities, thank goodness, or earn a living from playing in the band. In fact, we play for free because we enjoy making music together. 

But our male singer is difficult, and has a tendency towards being a diva. At last Monday's rehearsal we played for the first time with a new amplification system. It seemed to bring out the worst in him. 

I will not go into exactly what he was getting up to, just that he was difficult, was singing off key, and on the wrong beat, did not get his timings right, and just made the rehearsal unpleasant. 

I am the band leader, says my husband, therefore it falls to me, he says, to keep things in order. I find this task unsettling, as I always seem to be the one who is trying to steer everyone else. 

Anyway, what happened on Monday was that the male singer has an upturned big green plastic bin, with a wire attached to it on an upright piece of wood, as a drum. It makes only one sound, and that is a thump. Since he has no sense of rhythm he just plucks at the wire when he thinks he will, hardly ever being at the same time as the beat of the music. Not only that, but he sings to the beat of his plastic drum, not to the beat of everyone else, and my husband absolutely hates the noise he makes, because my husband has a good sense of music. 

And the male singer took it upon himself to make his own amplifier system so the drum could be heard loud and strong when the rest of us were amped up on the proper amp system. It was just another battle, that was all, not much in the larger picture, but enough to pull my energies down. A band is supposed to play as a team if the music is to work. Five of us are team players. One isn't. 

So the result was a botched rehearsal, left hanging unfinished because other things happened, which means that the gig we are booked to do this coming Friday will have to be shortened because a chunk of the programme of music we were supposed to be playing was not rehearsed. 

And what happened was that I got angry with him, no, not 'angry' as such, just frustrated. And so I allowed him to leach my energies away. My fault, not his. I should have prepared myself beforehand by enveloping myself in a bubble of light, which would have protected me from his bad energies. This I did not do, being too busy doing farm work and other things. Without the overcoat of protection, I allowed myself to sop up his negative energies, like a dry sponge put into a pot of water. But the Universe knew that this was going to happen, because I had a sense of warm euphoria come upon me as we drove home. It lasted well into the evening, but had evaporated by the next morning. And then my mind went all over the place. It was as if I had a computer virus in my head, not a dreadful one which tried to shut me down, just a head which was jangled. And through that jangle I allowed my lower self to take umbridge about the male singer, that he was out of order with his attitude, that he had an arrogance which was unpleasant, that his diva type attitude was out of place in a man of his age, that he ought to grow up. For one day this went on in my head, and I could not stop it. Round and round these thoughts went, kicking my higher self, with its calm understanding of all things human, out of the window.

After lunch today, and the damage was being furthered. My heart went into megga palpitations, my throat started feeling like it had a steel brace around it, my head started aching, and my mind began to shut down into a depressive state. What I had done was crashed my upper heart chakra, my throat chakra, my third eye chakra, and my crown chakra. Kappooott. All were going down, and all because I allowed that negative energy from the male singer to connect with the thoughts in my head, which then took hold as I continued to feel angry about him, which then made me crash those upper chakras. I had done this damage to myself. He had not done it. I had. And all because I did not take proper care of myself before we left for the rehearsal.

I don't want to waste precious days of my life by having this happen again. It has happened often in the past, and I cannot let it happen again. So whenever the band is going to rehearse, I shall wrap that bubble of light around me as a protection, which will also enable me to cope with the situations that he makes in a better way. It is no use being cross with him, because the Universe said a few minutes ago that when he gets his own way, then he will be alright, but when he doesn't, then he will have tantrum, which is something to do with his upbringing, of not having been taught self control when he was very young. Knowing this now helps me to see the situation in a different light. That I should not have responded to his actions as I did, but should have stepped back and let him get on with it. This will be hard to do in the future, because the band will not be able to continue unless he gets a grip on himself. 

The Universe also said that he is emotionally unstable. Oh. So........ on to the healing list of Heart to Heart France he goes. I need to stop outside of myself now and see him as a wounded individual, whose actions emanate from deeper issues. I need to step aside from my lower self angst about him, and I need to be more moderate with my thoughts about him if I am to be well and not suffer from the upper chakra collapse again. So, as ever, work to do on myself.

And so if you find yourself with an anger inside of you against someone who has disturbed  your mind, then do not allow this anger to fester because it will eventually make physical difficulties for you, which is a waste of the days of your life and will reduce the level of your health. Take control. Ask the Universe for healing, or ask us to put you on our healing list. Ask this for yourself, and ask it also for the person who is producing the angst within you. Do it. You will feel lighter in yourself by getting rid of that anger, and the other person will also benefit, even if, in truth, you don't want them to benefit because they have 'upset' you. In time they will grow to have a better understanding of their own problems, and you, in turn, will benefit by having that negative link between you broken. 

Battles are not nice things to have, although the lessons learned are priceless.

Vx